The motivation from within
When parents involve a child in a sport, they ask themselves, are they doing it for the child or are they really doing it for themselves
Sports Parenting in which we will explore the many challenges faced by families involved in youth athletics.
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How old should my child be before he begins playing organized sports?
- Does my child need to play on a travel team?
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If my child is showing promise in a particular sport, should she play it year-round?
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What qualifications should a youth sports coach possess?
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Is it a good idea to coach my son’s or daughter’s team?
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Bob Gulla’s head often begins to spin when he and his wife, Kathleen, wrestle with these questions now that their four children have entered the world of youth sports.
The Gullas of South Kingstown want to do what’s best for Grant, 12, Mariclaire, 10, Colan, 8, and Violet, 6. They want to make sure they expose their kids to the right opportunities. They want to provide them with the proper instruction. In short, Bob and Kathleen want their children to have the best athletic experience possible.
They’re just not always quite certain how to do that.
“I’m faced with many decisions that I’m unprepared to make,” said Bob Gulla. “There are so many different options, it’s hard to know what is the right road to take. And there are many more wrong choices than there are right.
“One of the most important things we’re learning right now is that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing,” he added. “You have to take your own situation and decide what’s best for your own family. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. In fact, it probably means it isn’t.”
The Gullas certainly are not alone.
Parents all over the country (World) are grappling with the very same issues, as they and their families encounter a youth sports landscape that has changed dramatically over the last couple of decades, says Rick Wolff, chairman of the Center for Sports Parenting, an Internet-based initiative.
And unfortunately, not all of those changes have been for the better.
Speaking at a forum on the subject at the University of Rhode Island last fall, Wolf — a former pro baseball player who served as a roving sports psychology coach for the Cleveland Indians in the early 1990s — explained that it was never his lifelong ambition to be a sports parent, but the father of three became increasingly intrigued by the issue as he heard more and more “crazy stories.”
“Why is it today that parents just don’t get it?” said Wolff, who hosts a weekly sports parenting program, “The Sports Edge,” on WFAN Radio (AM 660) in New York City. “Even though intellectually they know that less than 4 percent of all high school varsity athletes in this country will go on to play Division I, II or III college sports in this country — parents hear that stat all the time — but they say, ‘Yeah, but my kid’s going to be the next Michael Jordan or the next Mia Hamm.’ But that’s not the way it’s going to be.”
There is also a lot of misinformation being dispersed, says Wolff, which only complicates matters even more.
Make sports fun
In this series of stories, we are going to try to dispel some of the myths and provide some direction, beginning with the first question that every parent has to tackle: What age should my son or daughter be before becoming involved in organized sports?
Although they saw many people around them starting their kids much earlier, the Gullas followed the recommendation offered by the American Academy of Pediatrics that parents should wait until a child is 6 before beginning team sports. And they have been sticking to their decision not to get their children involved with travel teams until they are 10, even though a number of families they know are enrolling their children as young as 8.
“We are trying not to rush,” said Bob Gulla. “There’s really no reason to. Their lives are organized enough. And we’re not getting our kids involved to put them on the fast track to becoming college athletes. That shouldn’t even be part of the equation until they are 13 or 14.”
And as Wolff points out in one of his 17 books, Coaching Kids for Dummies, while he’s never heard any scientific evidence suggesting that a child who begins playing a sport at 5 will increase his chances of becoming “a sports star,” he has heard about plenty of cases where youngsters have become “victims of burnout, boredom, a lack of talent, or even more sadly, a pushy parent.”
According to Wolff, parents should have four reasons for getting their kids into sports: because they want their child to have fun, to become physically fit, to develop a sense of team camaraderie and to develop some athletic skills.
Start with the basics
Which sports should you choose?
Expose your children to a variety of physical activities, says Dr. Thomas Hines of Lincoln Pediatric Associates.
A program offered by some of the local YMCAs, in which children are introduced to a different sport each week, might be a good way to start.
Bob Gulla, a former All-State baseball and soccer player at Westerly High School, and Kathleen Gulla, once a competitive high school swimmer, began by introducing their children to the sports that they have enjoyed.
Then “if the child shows an interest, you would certainly want to encourage that interest,” Hines said, but do not push the issue if they don’t.
Regardless of the sport, the program must be age-appropriate; that is, with activities and rules that are modified and simplified to fit the age of the children participating.
Although the rate of development varies, children still follow a certain timeline in terms of social, psychological and physical development that affects their ability to focus, to perform the necessary athletic skills, and to grasp rules and concepts of teamwork, competition and strategy.
“When the demands of a sport exceed a child’s cognitive and physical development, the child may develop feelings of failure and frustration,” according to a 2001 American Academy of Pediatrics report on “Organized Sports for Children and Preadolescents.”
Let kids make choices
Because of their short attention spans, preschool children usually respond best to exercise programs that are short — no longer than 15 to 20 minutes of structured activity, along with 30 minutes of free play — the pediatric academy recommends.
The program should rely on a “show-and-tell” format and “emphasize playfulness, experimentation and exploration of a wide variety of movement experiences.”
Programs for 5- and 6-year-olds should consist of simple and repetitive activities that continue to develop the youngsters’ fundamental motor skills of running, jumping, hopping, skipping, throwing, catching and kicking, advises Bright Futures, a national initiative at Georgetown University established to promote and improve the health and well-being of youngsters and their families.
Subsequent programs should gradually increase the level of difficulty and the amount of structure to the activities.
Throughout the process, parents are urged to trust their instincts, use common sense and take the all-important cues from their kids.
The Gulla’s oldest daughter, Mariclaire, was showing promise in gymnastics, but decided she no longer wanted to make such a big commitment and preferred just to stick with soccer and swimming because she felt she was missing out on too many other things in her life.
Her parents respected her decision, just as they have respected her older brother Grant’s decision not to play baseball this spring because he decided he just didn’t enjoy playing that sport the way he does hockey and soccer.
The motivation has to come from within, says Bob Gulla, and a child is only going to develop a passion for a sport when given the freedom to enjoy the experience.
“You really have to look into their eyes and see how much they really like or dislike something,” he said. “You can hear it in their voice. You can see it in their eyes. Parents have to ask themselves, are they doing it for the kids or are they really doing it for themselves. Take yourself out of the equation and really leave it up to them.”
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